More Truly, Truly Outrageous Medical Hypotheses

For the gift that keeps on giving, peruse the table of contents for the August 2008 issue of the Journal of Medical Hypotheses. Neurotopia (version 2.0) did, and the result is:

Screw the sudafed: When your nose ain't great, masturbate!

I'm starting to think it must be a LOT of fun to be the editor of the Journal of Medical Hypotheses. First there was the one about groaning and hyperventilation decreasing blood to the cortex and enhancing the sexual experience, and now this...

Zarrintan, S "Ejaculation as a potential treatment of nasal congestion in mature males" The Journal of Medical Hypotheses, 71(2), 2008.

Oh man, this one's so good I almost just want to quote it verbatim. But I won't.

But I will (Zarrintan 2008, page 308):

The emission phase of the ejaculatory reflex is under control of the sympathetic nervous system, while the ejaculatory phase is under control of a spinal reflex at the level of the spinal nerves S2-4 via the pudendal nerve. A refractory period succeeds the ejaculation, in which the sympathetic nervous system counteracts the effects of the parasympathetic nervous system. As it is seen, ejaculation can be used as a potential treatment of nasal congestion because its emission phase provides a sympathetic stimulation and subsequent vasoconstriction and nasal decongestion.

Even better is a letter in reply to this fabulous article, as noted by The Lay Scientist:

WARNING: Ejaculation as a Treatment for Nasal Congestion is Inconvenient, Unreliable and Potentially Hazardous!

...the journal has now published a letter by Mohammad Fakhree angrily rejecting the claims, in the prelude to what could be the biggest medical controversy since MMR.

...Fakhree is far from convinced, citing a whole range of objections.

"First notable thing is that the process which leads to ejaculation makes significant changes in blood pressure and heart rate which can be as harmful as decongestants side effects."

Basically, you need to be fit. You don't want to end up like the stereotypical older guy who's shagged to death by his nubile younger lover. Especially if you don't even get the shagging part beforehand. That would suck. It's not even dignified... imagine how you'd be found?

Another consideration is that, in some males there are limitations in the number of ejaculation per day and also between two ejaculations.

I suspect, actually, that applies to all males. It's a penis, not a machine gun.

Furthermore there are some limitations in using of ejaculation or masturbation as treatment of nasal congestion such as not being applicable out of home and not having any sex partner.

Frankly, it's news to me that I needed to have a sex partner for masturbation, that kind of being the whole point of Britain's #1 hobby in the first place. If I was with a "sex partner", then I would be having sex.

What an epic battle of scientific titans! But as an astute commenter noted:

Having read both articles, I noticed that both Zarrintan and Fakhree are from the same city (perhaps the same university)! Which leads me to think whether this little handbag fight may in fact be a lovers' squabble?